The Practice

I love the way Seth frames the source of TRUE confidence.

As we’ve discussed many (many!) times, the word confidence LITERALLY means “intense trust.”

When we talk about “self-”confidence, we’re not talking about a silly, ungrounded confidence that we will succeed in everything we do (because we won’t) but a DEEP, grounded, INTENSE trust that *it doesn’t matter what happens* because we know we have what it takes to respond to *whatever* comes our way.

THAT is true self-confidence.

And... There’s only ONE way to build THAT type of marrow-deep self-confidence. We need to EARN that trust. How? By doing what we say we will do. ESPECIALLY when we don’t *feel* like doing it. How do we do THAT? By having a PRACTICE.

Or, as we like to say, we need to have a PROTOCOL. We need to KNOW who we are and what we do when we’re at our best. Then we need to BE that best version of ourselves by DOING those things. All day. Every day. ESPECIALLY Today.

P.S. James Kouzes and Barry Posner are two of the world’s leading scholars on the science of leadership. In their great book The Leadership Challenge, they teach us “How to Make Extraordinary Things Happen in Organizations.”

They tell us:“Credibility is the foundation of leadership. Constituents must be able, above all else, to believe in their leaders. For them to willingly follow someone else, they must believe that the leader’s word can be trusted, that she is personally passionate and enthusiastic about the work, and that she has the knowledge and skill to lead.”

How do we establish credibility? Kouzes and Posner tell us: “You build a credible foundation of leadership when youDWYSYWD—Do What You Say You Will Do.

DWYSYWD has two essential parts: say and do. The practice of Model the Way links directly to these two dimensions of the behavioral definition of credibility. Modeling is about clarifying values and setting an example for others based on those values. The consistent living out of values is the way leaders demonstrate their honesty and trustworthiness. It’s what gives them the moral authority to lead.”

Want to lead and trust YOURSELF? DWYSYWD.

Yes and no.

Those are two of the most important words in the English (and any!) language.

Let’s take a tour through our library of Notes for some parallel wisdom.

Here’s how Stephen Covey puts it in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically, to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside. The enemy of the ‘best’ is often the ‘good.’”

Here’s how The 4 Disciplines of Execution guys put it in their great book: “The first discipline is to focus your finest efforts on the one or two goals that will make all the difference, instead of giving mediocre effort to dozens of goals. Execution starts with focus. Without it, the other three disciplines won’t be able to help you. ... Simply put, Discipline 1 is about applying more energy against fewer goals because, when it comes to setting goals, the law of diminishing returns is as real as the law of gravity.”

Cal Newport references them and David Brooks in his great book Deep Work where he tells us: “As the authors of The 4 Disciplines of Execution explain, ‘The more you try to do, the less you actually accomplish.’ They elaborate that execution should be aimed at a small number of ‘wildly important goals.’ This simplicity will help focus an organization’s energy to a sufficient intensity to ignite real results.

For an individual focused on deep work, the implication is that you should identify a small number of ambitious outcomes to pursue with your deep work hours. The general exhortation to ‘spend more time working deeply’ doesn’t spark a lot of enthusiasm. In a 2014 column titled, ‘The Art of Focus,’ David Brooks endorsed this approach of letting ambitious goals drive focused behavior, explaining: ‘If you want to win the war for attention, don’t try to say ‘no’ to the trivial distractions you find on the information smorgasborg; try to say ‘yes’ to the subject that arouses a terrifying longing, and let the terrifying longing crowd out everything else.’”

I could go on but I’ll leave it at that and bring it back to Seth’s wisdom and the importance of THE PRACTICE.

Question: What’s YOUR *ultimate* target? Mine is simple: I want to show up as the best, most Heroic version of myself in my Energy, Work and Love.

I have, to use David Brooks’ phrase, a “terrifying longing” to connect with and express that best version of myself. When I say, “YES!!!” to THAT wildly important goal, it becomes a LOT easier to say “NO!!!” to all the trivial distractions of life.

Let’s remember to say YES to the ultimate game so we can say NO to the seductive distractions.

Here’s to moving from Theory to PRACTICE to Mastery Together Today, Hero.

Talent and skill. <- Those are two VERY different things.

When I read that passage, I immediately thought of Angela Duckworth. Duckworth, as you know if you’ve been following along, wrote the book on Grit. In her great book, Angela articulates the difference between TALENT and SKILL and describes the way they relate to each other.

She echoes Seth’s wisdom nearly perfectly when she tells us: “Talent is how quickly your skills improve when you invest effort. Achievement is what happens when you take your acquired skills and use them.”

She sums that up with two equations to capture the relationship between talent and effort:“talent x effort = skill —> skill x effort = achievement.”

She continues by saying: “What this theory says is that when you consider individuals in identical circumstances, what each achieves depends on just two things, talent and effort. Talent—how fast we can improve a skill—absolutely matters. But effort factors into the calculations twice, not once. Effort builds skill. At the very same time, effort makes skill productive.”

As I typed that I thought of our 10-year-old son Emerson and the effort he’s currently putting into chess—which is leveraging some natural talent he has and leading to powerful gains in skill.

Quick context: Emerson recently got REALLY into chess. Over the last couple of years, I taught him the basics—the importance of controlling the center, creating tempo and stuff like that. After a couple of years of casual play, he got good enough to beat everyone he played but me. Then we stumbled upon a group of adults who played chess at a park every Saturday.

He played with them, did surprisingly well and LOVED everything about it. One of the dads of the other kid who played with the adults told us about a site called ChessKid.com. (I HIGHLY recommend that site, btw!)

Now... Emerson goes to nature school twice a week. When he’s not there, we homeschool him and give him a lot of autonomy with what he does. So... He spent HOURS a day studying chess. The EFFORT he put into leveraging his natural talent led to a higher level of skill.

The CONTINUED effort he put in multiplied by the skill he developed led to him consistently (and easily!) beating me within two months and to him winning the beginner’s group at the weekend tournament.

Moral of the story? Find something you and/or your kids/clients/colleagues/etc. enjoy in which you might have some natural talent. And, put in the effort to develop skill. Put in MORE effort to maximize that skill and create achievements you’re proud of.

Remember: EFFORT counts TWICE.

PRACTICE! PRACTICE!! PRACTICE!!!

It’s not working... YET!!!

This is another HUGE idea that helps catalyze our grit via a growth mindset.

In fact, here’s how Caroline Adams Miller puts it in her great book Getting Grit: “Dweck has gone one step further in her research and discovered that the use of a simple word ‘yet’ can create greater persistence when facing challenges. If you tell a child that they ‘didn’t answer the math questions correctly *yet*,’ that one word opens their minds to the idea that they can eventually solve the problems. She found that not only did the children become grittier, they also became more zestful, creative and hopeful when ‘yet’ opened up their eyes to the possibility of a different, limitless future. If ‘yet’ can change mind-set, imagine how many other words and phrases can unlock resilience and stick-to-itiveness!”

This approach is also a HUGE part of how we’re striving to parent our kids. In fact, as I was thinking about Emerson and his chess as part of that last idea, I also thought of our 5-year-old daughter Eleanor.

One of the things she LOVES to add to the end of any statement that includes something she can’t do is the *beautiful* word... YET!

“I can’t do that math problem... YET.” “I can’t do a pull-up... YET.”

“I can’t fill-in-the-blank... YET!!!”

← If there’s a magical word for cultivating the growth mindset in EVERY aspect of our lives, THAT word is it.

Don’t feel as Energized as you’d like? Or as Productive? Or as Connected?

Perfect. Focus on the PRACTICE.

Get clarity on your protocol. Know who you are and what you do when you’re at your best. Then... Show up. Work the protocol. Over and over and over and over again.

It’s not working...

YET!!!

P.S. This is pretty much exactly what we talk about in our +1 called Go 0 for 12 Lately? Who Cares? Work Your Protocol, Hero! and this +1 called Dorfman and Stutz: On Action, Action, and More Action.

Ego Strength vs. Egomania.

Yet another VERY powerful distinction. We talk about THIS theme a lot as well.

Check out our Notes on Richard Rohr’s Falling Upward, Joseph Campbell’s Pathways to Bliss, Nathaniel Branden’s The Art of Living Consciously, and our Notes on Ken Wilber for more.

Plus: Check out this +1 called Strong Ego = Ticket to Divine: An Optimized Approach to Your Ego + Id + Superego in which I tie wisdom from all those thinkers together.

For now, know this: In short, paradoxically, as Seth and all those great teachers agree...

We need a very strong sense of self if we are going to have the Wisdom + Self-Mastery + Courage + Gratitude + Hope + Curiosity + Zest to give the world all we’ve got.

And... When we blend all those virtues with THE most important virtue (LOVE!!!), we protect ourselves from egomania while cultivating the strength for two so we can truly show up as the best, most Heroic version of ourselves in service to something bigger than ourselves.

Let’s do that TODAY, my dear Hero!