The Mental Game
Winning the War Within Your Mind
This is the seventh book in Darrin Donnelly’s Sports for the Soul series. We’ve covered all of them so far. As I said in the previous Notes, I basically read the first six books in a single week. They are all AWESOME. In addition to brilliantly integrating ancient wisdom, modern science and practical tools in a grounded yet inspiring way, Donnelly has a gift for weaving that wisdom into a great sports story—which is why I’m such a big fan and highly recommend the books for you and your sports-loving friends and family and colleagues. This book features a professional golfer who is struggling to make it on the PGA Tour. He has the opportunity to spend time with one of the greatest golfers of the era who gives him some life-changing wisdom. It’s FANTASTIC. Super inspiring, quick-reading. Pure gold. Get a copy here. As you’d expect, the book is packed with Big Ideas. As always, I’m excited to share some of my favorites so let’s jump straight in!
Big Ideas
- Your Self-Image SetpointHow’s Your Setpoint?
- Don’t Listen to Yourself—Talk to YourselfTALK to Yourself.
- Choose to Be GratefulNOW.
- Effort & AttitudeControl the Controllables.
- What’s the Opportunity?Our Response to Challenges.
“To be clear, this is not a book about golf. It is set in the world of golf, the main character is a professional golfer, and the story plays out during a season on the PGA Tour. But the book is not about golf.
This book is about the mental game we all must play on a daily basis—regardless of our chosen profession. It’s about the inner war that takes place within our minds and how to win that war. …
There’s a war going on within your mind. It’s a battle between the positive and the negative.
There’s a voice that tells you why you can achieve something and a voice that tells you why you can’t. A voice that tells you to be grateful, happy, and optimistic; and a voice that tells you to be worried, stressed, and cynical. A voice that builds up your self-image and a voice that tears it down. A voice that tells you to keep going and a voice that tells you to quit.
The voice you feed the most will determine the direction of your life. You can’t passively allow this inner war to play out however it wishes. You must take an active role in determining which side wins.
This book will show you how to take charge of the war within your mind and make sure the positive side is winning. Once you start winning the war in your mind, you will start winning the game of life.”
~ Darrin Donnelly from The Mental Game
This is the seventh book in Darrin Donnelly’s Sports for the Soul series.
We’ve covered all of them so far. As I said in the previous Notes, I basically read the first six books in a single week. They are all AWESOME.
In addition to brilliantly integrating ancient wisdom, modern science and practical tools in a grounded yet inspiring way, Donnelly has a gift for weaving that wisdom into a great sports story—which is why I’m such a big fan and highly recommend the books for you and your sports-loving friends and family and colleagues. Here’s the quick recap of the prior books in the series:
Think Like a Warrior features a struggling college football coach who magically meets five legendary coaches who each give him ONE powerful idea. Old School Grit features an NCAA basketball coach at the end of his career writing letters to his grandchildren on how to live a great life. Relentless Optimism features a minor league baseball player who meets a brilliant manager who helps him break through to fulfill his dreams. Victory Favors the Fearless features a boxer who goes from down and out to heavyweight champion after he meets the perfect mentor who teaches him how to conquer the seven fears that hold us back. Life to the Fullest features a high school coach who questions the decisions he made in life and gets wisdom from his dad on the power of following your heart and trusting your unique path. The Turnaround features a fourth-string quarterback on the worst college football team in the conference whose life changes the day he meets his new head coach who turns the program around by helping him and his teammates forge unstoppable confidence.
This book features a professional golfer who is struggling to make it on the PGA Tour. He has the opportunity to spend time with one of the greatest golfers of the era who gives him some life-changing wisdom.
It’s FANTASTIC. Super inspiring, quick-reading. Pure gold. Get a copy here.
As you’d expect, the book is packed with Big Ideas. As always, I’m excited to share some of my favorites so let’s jump straight in!
Download MP3
Download PDFThe mental game is what separates a Tour player from an amateur, and what separates consistent winners from the greats.
Your mind is the most powerful weapon you have and your self-image serves as its guide. Change your self-image and you will change your life. That’s one of the most important truths you will ever learn.
Get the BookYour Self-Image Setpoint
“‘You can’t consistently perform in a way that is inconsistent with your self-image. This means you can’t outperform your self-image—at least, not for very long. In the long run, whatever you believe about yourself becomes reality. See yourself as a successful person capable of achieving great things and you’ll prove yourself right. See yourself as a victim of unfair fate who can never get ahead and you’ll again prove yourself right. It doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes it can take years, but eventually it happens: your reality ends up matching the setpoint of your self-image.’
‘The setpoint?’
‘Think of your self-image as a thermostat. You set it at a certain temperature. Depending on weather conditions, the room temperature can rise above or fall below the set temperature at various times, but eventually it settles back to the thermostat’s setpoint.
‘It’s the same way with your self-image. Whatever it’s set at, you will live up to—or down to—that setpoint. When you give your self-image a setpoint, your mind—mostly subconsciously—works day and night to reach that setpoint.’”
That’s from one of the very first chats the hero of our story (Jack) has with his mentor (Eddie).
Jack is struggling on the PGA Tour. Eddie challenges him to step up his self-image from a struggling, barley-makes-the-cut PGA player to a championship-caliber player—sternly advising him that he will NEVER outperform a poor self-image.
When I read this chapter, I felt like I was reading a fictional version of a chapter from Lanny Bassham’s With Winning in Mind.
Here’s how Lanny puts it: “Your Self-Image ‘makes you act like you.”’It keeps you within your comfort zone. If you are below your zone, Self-Image makes you uncomfortable and turns up your power until you are within the zone. Likewise, if you are above your zone, the Self-Image will cut your power, dropping you back within your zone. As long as you ‘act like you,’ the Self-Image is content and does not interfere. To change your performance, you must change your Self-Image and elevate your comfort zone.
Controlling that change in your Self-Image may be the most important skill you will ever learn. You can change any attitude you do not like. When the Self-Image changes, performance changes.”
So...
Spotlight on YOU.
What’s YOUR self-image?
Do you need to turn up the heat on your thermostat?
Who are you at your ABSOLUTE best?
Imagine that. Go be that. TODAY.
And, check out our hour-long master class on Self-Image 101 for more.
Remember, you can’t consistently perform in a way that is inconsistent with your self-image. If the mental image you have of yourself is set at a certain level, you’ll never consistently perform above that level. You might have moments where you do, but they won’t last.
Don’t Listen to Yourself—Talk to Yourself
“‘What you have to remember is that the point of self-talk isn’t to deceive yourself, the point is to direct yourself. You don’t have to keep describing the negative situation; you already know what it is you’re facing. If you let that negative voice say whatever it wants in tough times, it will keep reminding you of how bad the situation is and all the things that are likely to go wrong because of it. This is when you have to take charge and talk positively to yourself. Tell yourself how you want to feel, not how you already feel. Tell yourself what you want to have happen next instead of ruminating on what already happened. This will shift your focus.’
‘What you focus on most tends to come about. Therefore, you want your self-talk directing your focus to the thoughts, actions, and results you want, not what you don’t want.
‘You have to take control of your self-talk. Don’t listen to yourself. Talk to yourself. Recognize that there is an ongoing battle taking place in your mind. You must take an active role in this battle.’”
That’s a REALLY powerful passage.
Two things I want to emphasize.
First...
The point of self-talk is not to deceive yourself. It’s to DIRECT yourself.
Second...
(And this is GENIUS!)
We don’t want to listen to ourselves. We want to TALK to ourselves.
That’s a *huge* distinction.
I repeat...
The point of self-talk is not to deceive yourself. It’s to DIRECT yourself.
We don’t want to listen to ourselves. We want to TALK to ourselves.
When?
All day, every day.
Especially...
TODAY.
P.S. Lanny Bassham introduced me to Shad Helmstetter and his great book What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. It’s clear that Darrin is also a big fan. Check out those Notes.
Helmstetter tells us that Heroic self-talk “inspires, encourages, urges, and implores. It tugs at our hearts, touches our hopes, and paints the pictures that color our dreams. It excites, demands, and pushes us forward. It strengthens the armor of our spirit and hardens the steel of our determination. This is the Self-Talk that challenges us to do battle with our fears and end up the victor. It is the Self-Talk which stirs us to action, fills us up with self-belief, and plants our feet firmly on the solid bedrock of success.”
He also tells us: “If there were two of you, and one of you became a positive, productive Self-Talker, and the other did not, for whom would you cast your vote? I know which one I would vote for, every time.”
Expectations you set for yourself have a tendency to come about, and if you’re not clear about where you see yourself going, you can wind up anywhere.
Take control of your self-talk. Don’t listen to yourself. Talk to yourself.
Choose to Be Grateful
“‘Don’t wait for permission to be grateful,’ Eddie said. ‘Don’t wait until you accomplish a specific goal before you allow yourself to be thankful. Choose to be grateful right now. By choosing to be grateful, you’ll feel better about yourself and the world around you. And when you feel better, you play better. Doesn’t matter what it is you’re playing—golf, some other sport, running a business, tackling some task—when you feel good about yourself, you perform better. Countless psychological studies have proven this.’”
Gratitude.
It does a Hero good.
As Darrin tells us, COUNTLESS psychological studies have proven this.
Robert Emmons is one of the world leading scientific-scholars on gratitude. He’s written two great books on the subject: Thanks! and Gratitude Works!
In Gratitude Works!, Emmons tells us: “groundbreaking research has shown that when people regularly cultivate gratitude, they experience a multitude of psychological, physical, interpersonal, and spiritual benefits. Gratitude has one of the strongest links to mental health and satisfaction with life of any personality trait—more so than even optimism, hope, or compassion. Grateful people experience higher levels of positive emotions such as joy, enthusiasm, love, happiness, and optimism, and gratitude as a discipline protects us from the destructive impulses of envy, resentment, greed, and bitterness. People who experience gratitude can cope more effectively with everyday stress, show increased resilience in the face of trauma-induced stress, recover more quickly from illness, and enjoy more robust physical health. Many of these effects are quantifiable. Consider these eye-popping statistics. People are 25 percent happier if they keep gratitude journals, sleep one-half hour more per evening, and exercise 33 percent more each week compared to persons who are not keeping these journals. ... Experiencing gratitude leads to increased feelings of connectedness, improved relationships, and even altruism. We have also found that when people experience gratitude, they feel more loving, more forgiving, and closer to God.”
I repeat.
Gratitude.
It does a Hero good.
What are YOU grateful for?
If you feel so inspired (and ESPECIALLY if you *don’t* feel so inspired—hah!), please take a moment to think about three things you’re grateful for:
______________________
______________________
______________________
Repeat.
All day. Every day.
ESPECIALLY...
Today.
Gratitude is a choice. It’s also the quickest way to turn yourself from negative to positive. It doesn’t matter what is going on around you. You can always find something to be grateful for.
Make sure to always include the opportunities ahead of you as things you’re thankful for. This will help you visualize being the person you want to be and achieving the things you want to achieve.
Effort & Attitude
“When you list out all the things you don’t control, it’s easy to get overwhelmed,’ Eddie said. ‘Instead of worrying about the things you don’t control, you should immediately turn your attention to what you do control, which is a much shorter and simpler list.
‘The only things in life you completely control are your actions and your thoughts. That is, your effort and your attitude. That’s what you have total control over. Nothing else.
‘Whenever your mind goes down a worried path or you start to feel overwhelmed, ask yourself, ‘Do I have control over this?’ If the answer is no, then immediately shift your attention to what you do control: your effort and your attitude. You can control the next thought you choose to think, and you can control the next action you take. But that’s it. You have to surrender to the rest.’ …
‘Don’t ignore the problems you can’t control, wishing they didn’t exist. Instead, solve them by focusing on only the things you do control: your effort and your attitude. Again the key is where your focus is. Your focus needs to always be on what you can do about a situation, not what you can’t.’”
Effort and attitude.
Those are the two things we can control.
Everything else? We need to radically accept it.
Donnelly uses the character of John Wooden in his first book in the series (Think Like a Warrior) to make the same point: “‘I sincerely believe that the difference was that I didn’t talk about winning and losing. I didn’t talk about beating opponents. I kept our focus on only what we could control: our effort and our attitude in the present moment.’ ...
‘This was the difference-maker. I taught my players that being successful had nothing to do with the final score. Success could only be measured by whether you put in the maximum effort. You could lose on the scoreboard and still be successful if you gave your absolute best effort. You could also win on the scoreboard and be unsuccessful if you didn’t give your best. Regardless of what the final score says, only you can know if you’re successful because only you can know if you truly did your best.’
‘By focusing on only the things you can control, it also forces you to think, live, and act in the present moment. This is so important. People waste too much time and energy thinking about past mistakes or worrying about the future. But there’s nothing we can do about the past and the future is determined by what we choose to focus our thoughts and actions on right now. You have to focus on the present. That’s where your life is lived. How often people forget this.’”
Of course, as we have discussed many times, this is Rule #1 of Stoicism as well.
Some things are within our control. Some things are not.
As Epictetus tells us in the Discourses: “The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own.”
Effort and attitude.
Let’s control those two things.
TODAY.
You’ve got to set goals that excite you and energize you. That’s one of the secrets to happiness—regardless of your profession. Always have something exciting to drive toward!
You have to walk your own path and become the person you were meant to be. You can’t focus on becoming your best if you’re constantly looking over your shoulder at what someone else is doing.
What’s the Opportunity?
“‘When something bad happens, ask yourself, ‘What’s something good that could come from this? What’s the opportunity in front of me?
Stuck in the rough? Every player lands in the rough. It’s how you get out of it that counts. How you play the next shot is your opportunity to separate yourself from the competition. Miss a cut? You’ve now got the opportunity to spend a couple extra days recouping and preparing for the next tournament—that’s an opportunity others don’t have. Suffer a panic attack? That’s your body’s way of letting you know something needs to be fixed and you now have the opportunity to find the help you need and end up better off than if you had continued down the path you were on.
It’s a quick two-step process when you encounter a fresh problem. One, recognize how things could be worse and be grateful you are where you are. Two, find the opportunity you now have and focus on that.’”
I’ll save the spoiler alert but that’s wisdom from one of the final chapters right before our Hero might do some pretty Heroic stuff.
As I read that, I thought of Jocko Willink’s (see Discipline Equals Freedom) response to EVERY “bad” thing that can happen: “GOOD.” I also thought of how Josh Waitzkin (see The Art of Learning) responds any time he gets injured—as an opportunity to get better.
And... I thought of the time I took a fall while training for a Spartan Race. I wound up needing 20+ screws to put my left wrist back together. But... IMMEDIATELY after I saw my arm was completely shattered, I looked up at the rope climb I had just successfully completed and thanked the Heroic gods I didn’t fall off of *that* as I might have broken my neck and not been alive to consider the alternatives.
Spotlight on YOU... Going through a challenging time? Of course you are. You’re a Heroic human being striving to do your best in service to something bigger than yourself. Perfect.
Embrace the two-step process. Recognize how things could be worse and be grateful for where you are. Then get clear on how this challenge is giving you an opportunity to get stronger.
Here’s to optimizing our self-image, talking to ourselves wisely, and controlling our effortand our attitudeas we win the mental game and give the world all we’ve got.
Trust that whatever is happening to you is actually happening for you. Trust that every single obstacle you face is providing you with a greater opportunity you would not have otherwise had.
About the author
